Dangerous Dating

The Perils of Cyber Dating by Julie Spira

Yep, I definitely think that I could have used this book last year when I made a brief foray into the world of Match.com. After avoiding the whole online dating thing for years I decided to take the plunge last November.

Having no experience at this I was totally confused when it came to writing my profile and I made some serious mistakes...I posted my actual photo (not professional head shots and bikini shots that had been photoshopped), I listed my actual age and I didn't write a nonsense physical/personal description because somewhere deep down I believe in truth in advertising.

I love what Amy Alkon says about this in her post Match Dot Con

A seasoned shopper on an online dating site doesn't just wonder if everybody's lying, he expects it. People will tell you right in their profile that honesty is extremely important to them -- then sandwich that claim between more fudge than you can buy in one of those candy stores you see in the mall.
In the 4-6 weeks that I was on Match, I met a total of three men, all bright, funny, attractive, successful and age appropriate (well in the case of 2 out of the 3...the third was waaaay too young but hey...he contacted me...and he had a cute accent) The whole thing just seemed too contrived and forced and let's face it, I didn't have the energy or the enthusiasm to market myself properly.

Not to mention that during this same time, my drop dead gorgeous 26 year old assistant with a face and body like Scarlett Johansson and two degrees from Berkeley and a UCLA law degree (!!) was on Match and couldn't get a decent date.

Something was just soooo wrong.

Admittedly, I'm jaded but Match.com seemed to be nothing more than an online shopping site for men.

So now, the closest I would get to dating is reading it about it on the web....and trust me....it's pretty ugly out there.

BL1Y, The Daily Flavor, Misadventures in Dating, DABA and Woman of Experience.

btw...Woman of Experience who has brought us some of the best writing on the subject of dating is serializing her novel Toxic People online, check it out at here.

Dating Rules and Reasons For Cheating

OMG...I'm so confused.

Thank God I'm long beyond the dating scene because there are new rules for dating...and they're not nice.

OK...this is supposed to be tongue in cheek...but it's kinda not.

From the Misadventures in Dating Blog

we've got He Man Women Hater's Dating Rules

1. Boys do what they can, men do what they want.
2. If you don’t know the guy or he is a douche, fuck his gf and/or wife to within an inch of her life. 3. Guilt is for pussies, however if you do something without her consent (includes getting her drunk douche bag) you should be castrated, fed your dick and shot in the head.
4. As with the markets celebrate your victories and move on to the next. Your score doesn’t go up if you keep hitting the same piece of ass.
5. Attachment is for pussies. “Date” as many as you can.
6. If you are dating 2+ at a time, lay it out there, if they can’t handle it, they can piss and the fuck off to an Analyst (had to put a jab in there).
7. Pick your targets before you get drunk. (Saves you from waking up Coyote Ugly).
8. Both Harper and BL1Y speak of the this relationship thing, I’m sorry but it does not compute.
9. Who cares what people think. Are you sheep? Be a fucking man. Fuck em!
10. Never lie, your friends appreciate the rejection/coyote ugly/drunk/disgusting/embarrassing stories more than you know. Just not as much as the women readers do…

In conjunction with The Hit List

The Jewish Chic
The Indian Chic
The Spaniard Chic
The Cuban Chic
The Argentinian Chic
The Brazilian Chic
The Middle Eastern Chic
The Greek Chic
The Swedish Chic
The Brit Chic
The European Chic (Russian)
The Bo Derek (10) Chic
The Artist/Musician/Model/Waitress
The Athletic Chic
The Good Chic (Best Liar)
The Bad Chic (Slut)
The Dog Lover Chic
The Doctor Chic
The Attorney Chic
The Over 30
The Single Mom Chic
The Bridge and Tunnel (B&T/SI) Chic
The Blue Collar Chic (Stripper)
The Ivy league/DABA/ High Maintenance Girl Chic
The Party Girl Chic
The Hott Dumb Chic (Since stripper was taken, any other will do)

(I like the fact that the older woman chic is over 30!!!)

All of this in response to a post from The Daily Flavor

Dating Rules for Females
1. Do what you want.
2. Get what you want - most* of the time “the end justifies the means” in dating. *home wrecking is never OK!
3. Never feel guilty about getting what you want.
4. Always rejoice in your victories.
5. Don’t get too attached to quickly, even if you have to date 3 + men at a time.
6. If you are dating 3+ at a time, don’t let the participants know.
7. Do judge a book by it’s cover, at first! Then add up all the other positives and negatives.
8. Do put in all the work necessary to make a relationship work, once you choose it.
9. Don’t act or feel insecure - it’s unflattering, and if you begin to feel this way spend 10 mins analyzing why, and then never think about it again, just move on.
10. Never settle, not even for one night or five minutes.

OK...so even though this is tongue in cheek there is something still so sad about it.

Oh...it's so good to be middle aged.

Then we have from Yahoo

9 Reasons People Cheat

1. Bored

2. Dependence

3. Confusion

4. Because They Let You

5. Nurturing

6. Revenge

7. Confirmation of Attractiveness

8. The Thrill

9. They Don't Consider It Cheating, Even Though You Might

This subject has been on my mind the last week or two because of a situation with one of my young colleagues. After 4 months of dating a man that she fell madly in love with, she found out...through Facebook of course, that he was married with two children. (It's amazing what you can learn through Facebook...another topic for another post)

So, I give you reason number 10

10. Because They Can...And They Will

What A Way To Go

From FoxNews.com

Man, 28, Dies After 'Guzzling' Viagra During 12-Hour Romp

A Russian man died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two female pals.
The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov $4,300 that he wouldn’t be able to follow through with the half-day sex marathon.
But minutes after winning the bet, the 28-year-old died of a heart attack, Moscow police said.
“We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do,” said one of the female participants who identified herself only as Alina.

Is there A Recession In The Bedroom?

From the BBC
Is sexual desire entering a recession?

Valentine's Day, by tradition, is an opportunity for declarations of love and lust. But will 2009 be different?
Given the economic downturn, is passion too in recession? Or will couples fling themselves into each other's arms to compensate for their inability to spend, spend, spend?

Apparently according to the BBC

The sheer stress of money worries in general, and fear of redundancy in particular will, she argues, elevate levels of the chemical dopamine in the brain - and dopamine is associated with romantic love.
"Times of stress can trigger feelings of attraction - quite simply, you're more susceptible," she said.

Then again

Denise Knowles, Relate sex therapist, said: "Economic uncertainties can cause people to become more anxious - with the added dimension of people trying to get another job, or working longer hours to cover for a partner who has lost theirs.
"In the end, they are simply less likely to want sexual activity at the end of a long day."
In addition, the very anxiety that may be fuelling the initial desire to bond sexually may also sap the ability to experience pleasure.
Self-esteem classically drops during recession, particularly for those who actively lose their jobs.
Equally, respect drops for a partner who is economically less successful.
Then, desire plummets along with the esteem and respect.

Can this be true?

Are these theories contradictory? Does the recession create lust - or sap it? Does a lack of money lead to a raising of desire - or a lowering of sexual action?

Maybe economic woes bring us together but then make us unable to enjoy the fruits of that bonding.

Dr. De Ville advises that we all try to take the focus off of our financial woes and concentrate on the people in our lives that we care about.
Recessions come and go...but life is so very short and as John Maynard Keynes said, in the long run we are all dead. So why not leave recessionary issues out of the bedroom.

A Little Valentine's Day Bundle of Love!

And the inappropriate babymaking continues.

We go from news of the psycho-media whore with her 14 IVF children and no means of support other than the already bankrupt State of California to...

Baby-faced boy Alfie Patten is father at 13

Baby-faced Alfie, who is 13 but looks more like eight, became a father four days ago when his girlfriend Chantelle Steadman gave birth to 7lb 3oz Maisie Roxanne.

The idea of a 14 year old girl screwing a 4 ft tall 12 year old boy....who looks 8 years old....is just so......ewwwwww.

The good news is

They are living with Penny, Chantelle’s jobless dad Steve, 43, and her five brothers in a rented council house in Eastbourne. The family live on benefits.

At least they are in the UK and the State of California doesn't have to pick up the tab.

Going For The Gold - Recession Style

Is this a response to
Dating a Banker Anonymous?

Elisabeth Eaves of Forbes.com is asking
Will The Recession End Gold Digging?

It looks like the economic downturn is producing a dating downturn too. At least this is true in financial centers like New York, where an unhealthily intimate bond between mating and money has persisted down the decades, from Edith Wharton through Candace Bushnell.

Sane people of average incomes and healthy libidos may now be asking, who would stop coupling just because of a li'l old downturn? Don't we all now have more time for romance on our hands? The answer is, your ilk do not dominate New York social life. The dating downturn is affecting men and women for whom money, self-image and mating are inextricable from one another.

Moreover, who wants to go through life scheming over how to get someone else to support you, when it's much less stressful to figure out how to support yourself? Marry for money, and you'll earn every penny of it, as some wise woman once said. Men whose identity is tied up in having lots and lots of cash--as it tends to be, when someone works slavish hours at boring tasks for no reason other than extra zeros at the end of his paycheck--are tedious company. Loss of income then causes them to have identity crises, which can make them even less pleasant. Just as pretty women sometimes fail to develop much character, because they can get attention and advantage without it, so, too, do wealthy men.

Modern would-be gold diggers would do well to note that since women entered the workforce in large numbers, Americans have been returning to what sociologists call "assortive mating," that is, marrying within their own careers and income levels; doctors have the highest in-mating rate of any profession. In other words, the best way to mate with someone in job X is to also get that job yourself. And by the time you've done that, selling your charms to the highest bidder becomes a lot less attractive. You can bet that if William Makepeace Thackeray were writing Vanity Fair today, Becky Sharp would have set her sights on investment banking, not an investment banker.

For victims of the dating downturn, I'd like to end by recommending men who have not made a big income their life's goal--artists, writers, journalists, academics, musicians, coaches, teachers, etc. They can't take you to restaurants run by brand-name chefs or set you up with a clothing allowance, but they're not having identity crises. A starving artist last year is a starving artist today, only more confident, having been reassured that he made the right choice when he ignored parental urgings to go into some "secure" profession. These men have developed charm, domestic skills, empathy, maybe even some moral fiber. You just might find them so pleasant that you can walk away from dinner without feeling like you should have been paid for your time.

Recession be damned!

If you are still out there hoping to hook up with a Finance Boy Friend or FBF

you might want to check out the sale at Myla.com.

10% off the Myla spring collection throughout February!

Hat Tip From Haynes - The End Of Civilization

Around Town - New Year's Eve

I'm not a big New Year's Eve party person. I actually prefer to stay home in front of a roaring fire noshing on paté de foie gras or caviar and sipping champagne.
But this year someone charming invited me to a party so how could I resist?

The soirée was hosted by a beautiful, brainy, blond at her swanky Wilshire corridor condo with a view of Century City above the fog.

I live in a sheltered little world surrounded mostly by people that I have known for decades, so it was interesting to go to a party where I knew absolutely no one.

The hostess was lovely, her friends were nice and everything was going along great.

And here's the jewelry....and yes I'm making a point here.

Beladora Art Deco Diamond Bracelet in Platinum


Another Art Deco Diamond Bracelet in Platinum

Beladora Diamond Hoop Earrings with Dangling Diamonds
(This photo doesn't do justice to how gorgeous these earrings really are because the diamonds move and catch the light as you move)

Beladora Retro Diamond Ring in Platinum

In addition, I wore another diamond bracelet and ring.

A little blingy I'll admit...but in no way over the top.

And here's what I wore, a slightly metallic gunmetal gray silk frock.

(note: this photo of the dress was taken at my office before an event in 2007 and I didn't wear these diamond necklaces on New Year's Eve)

So where am going with all of this you ask.

At some point in the evening one of the guests said to my date, right in front of me, that when we walked into the party, some of the guys thought that my date had arrived with a escort....yeah...that kind of escort.

Then to add to the fun, the 23 year old niece of the hostess told me that I looked like a hawt bitch.

So I ask you, was there anything untoward about what I was wearing that would solicit these kind of comments....from complete strangers?

And...given my advanced age, should I have taken this as a compliment?

Just asking....

Modern Morals - More Love Italian Style

Licence to lie for Italian women

The court gave its landmark ruling after hearing the case of a 48-year-old woman, convicted of giving false testimony to police by denying she had lent her mobile phone to her lover.
The appeal court did not agree that she had broken the law.
It said bending the truth was justified to conceal extra-marital relationships.
In a predominantly Catholic country you might expect the courts to take a dim view of lying and adultery.
But not in this case.
The woman who brought the appeal was from Porto Ercole on the Tuscany coast, and named only as Carla.

Now how funny is this part....
She had lent her telephone to her secret lover, Giovanni, who then used it to call Carla’s estranged husband, Vincenzo, and insult him.

The lover called up the husband to insult him...this is the most un-manly behavior imaginable.

Giovanni, the lover, was convicted of abusive behaviour in a local court, and Carla convicted as an accessory.
Controversial judgements
But the Court of Cassation found that having a lover was a circumstance that damaged the honour of the person among family and friends.
Lying about it, therefore, was permitted, even in a judicial investigation.
It is not yet clear whether the ruling might also apply to men who have secret mistresses.
The Court of Cassation, which is largely staffed by elderly male appeal judges, has in the past issued a number of controversial judgements.
It once gave a ruling, later rescinded after protests from women’s groups, that a woman could not be raped by definition if she was wearing tight jeans, since the jeans could only be removed with her consent.

Love Italian Style on New Year's Eve

From Times Online
December 31, 2008
Naples women go on sex strike over firework injuries

''If a sex strike is what it takes in order to get the attention of our men, husbands, partners and sons, then we're ready for it," she told ANSA, the Italian news agency. "This time they're just going to have to choose: sex or fireworks.''

Italians spend an estimated 60 million Euros (£576 million) on new year fireworks, many of them made and sold illegally. Since 2000 fireworks have caused four deaths in the Naples area and five hundred serious injuries.
Dr Sorrentino said that the campaign to stop Naples men letting off dangerous fireworks would be "long and difficult," but local soundings suggested the sex strike was already having an effect. ''The idea of no sex is not exactly popular," he said.

Such a dilemma...

Fireworks or Sex

Modern Morals - Another Darwin Award Winner

You know I saw this story on Drudge a couple of days ago and I just wasn't going to go there.
But somehow...I just have to.
From the Hindustan Times
Husband warns public about HIV wife

So...a Toronto man....obviously a future Darwin Award winner
marries a Thai Stripper (or ex stripper, whatever) and gets infected with HIV.

Now he's out to warn other men who may have banged his ex to get tested.

A Toronto man, who was infected with the HIV virus by his stripper ex-wife, is pleading for other men who may have had sex with her to get tested for the disease.
"I know there were other men she slept with," Percy Whiteman claimed on Monday of his ex, Suwalee Iamkhong, who's fighting deportation from Canada. "I am lucky that I was able to find out early."
Iamkhong, 39, arrived in Canada from Thailand in 1995 and danced at Toronto's Zanzibar Tavern for most of her career, which lasted until 2004.


WTF was this guy thinking?
The usual I suppose....she's really a just a very nice girl who just lap dances on the side while she's really going to law school or medical school or caring for poor orphans or saving whales. Oh...she's only doing a little "artistic" dancing and nothing more....she's not really a skanky whore.

Did this idiot think that this pole dancer was a some kind of virgin? Did he consider HIV testing before he nailed her? Did he not realize that risky behavior yields nasty stuff.

Go ahead...tell me that I'm insufficiently sensitive.

Call it service with a smile....sometimes you get even more than what you paid for.