Carla Bruni - Never Beautiful Enough For The Brits

I don't know why exactly but for some reason it doesn't bother me when the Fug Girls take down one celebrity after another for their fashion crimes. From Bai Ling to Lady Gaga, I'm OK with the fashion criticism that these celebrities deserve.

But it truly does vex me when the fashion press comes up with something like this embarrassingly catty article by Liz Jones in the Times Online
The day Carla met her match...How Spain's Princess upstaged the French First Lady
First we have a comparison of their derrieres, because let's face it, in 2009 the worthiness of women is still judged according to their figures, faces, and fashions.

This was the spectacular battle of the derrieres. Even though I don't usually have much time for Carla Bruni, believing her to be merely an expensively dressed model with the beady eyes of a terrier, I did feel a tiny bit sorry for her yesterday. (beady eyes of a terrier....can you believe she writes this stuff?)
Who would want to negotiate a flight of steps in a tight skirt and heels, in front of the world's Press, in synchronisation with the owner of one of the classiest rears in the world: Princess Letizia of Spain.
Anything would have been better than the ignominy of having your flat, slightly over-aerobicised fortysomething posterior photographed for all the world to see next to something so round, so high, so - damn it - perfect. (Yep, there we go....forget the individual accomplishments of these women, it's really all about their derrieres)

And then Ms Jones gives us the take down on their legs and shoes.

I can only imagine Carla later that night, spitting into husband Nicolas Sarkozy's ear: 'It was all your fault. If only you weren't so damned short, I could have worn six-inch Fendis to crank up my bottom instead of tiny kitten heels that make me look as out of date and tired as snow-washed denim.'
Shoes say so much more about a woman than her CV. (!!!!!!) OMG....the next time my assistant needs to send out her resume I'll be sure to tell her just to send out a picture of her Jimmy Choos. Carla's black Christian Louboutins show she is being forced to conform against her nature, while Letizia's blush pink platforms demonstrate that, like her husband, Crown Prince Felipe, she is bringing Spain firmly into the 21st century.
The former TV anchor's platforms by Spanish designer Rebecca Sanver show she is flirtatious, fun-loving and prepared to take risks. Carla merely shows sublimation.

And the article continues with sweeping generalizations

The Spanish are so much more effortlessly sensual than their French and Italian counterparts. Far less label conscious and not uptight about looking thin, they are happy just to look hot.

and insults

Her simple black Dior sheath in velvet would have looked lovely on someone as gamine as the actress Natalie Portman, but against the Princess it looked as if she had pulled on a pair of curtains - particularly as she did not seem to be wearing a bra.
Letizia wore a stunning dove grey satin gown with a full, beaded skirt and a tiara atop her carefully tousled hair.

and insights into Carla's psyche

The trouble is that you can see Carla cares she has been usurped. A lot. Oh really? To me she looks bien dans sa peau as the wife of the President of France.
Despite all those years as a clothes horse, she often feels outclassed and has no innate sense of what is right in society. And when exactly did Liz Jones become Carla Bruni's fashion therapist?
Before every official engagement, her personal secretary will glean as much information about the dress code as possible: is it long or short, gloves and hats, are trousers allowed?
Carla lacks confidence, so will never go wild and wear something a bit dashing or daring. She needs to let go a little. Let go? Her job as the wife of the head of state is to promote French Fashion, and she does it flawlessly.
Letizia wins hands down in the battle of the style stakes, but it has nothing to do with age - she is 36, Carla is 41 - it has more to do with attitude. yeah...whatever
The Princess looks like a woman who is vital and interested, who is unafraid to experiment and to laugh.

The article goes on to compare the women by dress, shoes, sleeves, bottom, bags and legs...because let's face it, women, no matter if they are a princess or a prole, are judged only as a sum of their parts.

Disgusting

And as for the comment about Carla's need to "let go a little"...oh the irony when we all know that this is a woman who has "let go" plenty in the past...

Carla's agony as intimate photos of her with ex-lover are stolen in raid on Paris flat

VF-'s 2008 Best Dressed List - Radiant Royals

From Vanity Fair's 2008 Best Dressed List - The Royals

Crown Prince Pavlos of Greece -Distinguished Investment Banker Look

Brothers - Rafael, Duke of Feria and Don Luis Medina - Euro Cool

Crown Princess Mathilde of Belgium - Understated Elegance

Almost Royalty - La Reine Carla Bruni Sarkozy de France - Magnifique

What I don't understand is how can any Royal not be on the Best Dressed List....with their wealth and access to the world's finest designers.

Carla on the Cover

I just can't get enough of Sarko and Carla Bruni aka the French (actually Italian) Jackie O.

Vanity Fair's cover article, Paris Match, which could have been titled

When Sexual Preditors Attack

gives all the details on both Sarko and Carla's preditory ways.

They are hunters who met—predators,” Karl Lagerfeld tells me. “It’s a good thing. He had seduced many women, and she was a kind of seductress. When two like this meet, it can be good.”

While Carla's relationships with rockstars like Mick Jagger and Eric Clapton have been well documented, she's openly admitted to prefer polygamy and polyandry “She’s a kind of alpha female. She was never a courtesan like Pamela Harriman—she was more like a female Don Juan.” and

She also learned to take on men. “Carla is the hunter, not the hunted,” says a man who knew her in her teens. “She is a female womanizer.”

Surprisingly Sarko as the consummate politician hasn't been much more subtle about his sex life. After an affair with the married Cecilia resulted in her becoming his mistress and then his wife, he continued to have affairs throughout his political rise, with a multitude of women including Chirac's daughter Claude.

Despite Cécilia’s being “the great love of his life,” Nay alleges, Sarkozy was always susceptible to other women. “Whenever he had an opportunity to have an affair,” she tells me, “as mayor of Neuilly, in his office, he was a man who screws as much as he can.”

In France, however, Nay assures me, “it is not politically incorrect for politicians to have affairs.” It can be dangerous, however. Several people allege that Cécilia once received, presumably from her husband’s political enemies, a detailed list of all the women he had been with during their marriage.

Eventually, Cecilia left him for her own affair and came back only to help in his campaign for the Presidency. With her help he won the election, she bailed out, the affair with Bruni began and the rest is history.

There is something so tawdry about the affairs of American politicians. After the news last week of John Edwards getting caught sneaking into the Beverly Hilton , American politicians could benefit from some lessons in how to have consequence-free affairs from their counterparts across the pond, particularly the French who do the whole coupe de foudre thing so openly and with such elan.

Tres drole, non?

Carla Watch - First Lady Lyrics

I don't know about you but I just can't get enough of Carla Bruni, aka Madame Sarkozy. So busy with the upcoming release of her new album, she missed the G8 summit in Japan, leaving the other first ladies miffed.

But no worries, Commercial Carla (TM) is all about business, the business of being Controversal Carla (TM).

Here are some of the brilliant lyrics to her new song about her husband.

I put an end

To all my emblems

To my career as an Amazon

And to my sovereign freedom...
I give you my body, my soul and my chrysanthemum

For I am Yours
You are my lord, you're my darling

You're my orgy

You're my folly, my mix

You are my blessed bread

My charming princeI am yours...
Watch out because I am Italian

I am going to discourage the ladies

I will gag the beautiful sirens

I who always sought fire

I am burning for you like a pagan woman

I who made men dance

To you I give myself entirely...

...my chrysanthemum

You're my orgy

I will gag the beautiful sirens

Carla...si belle mais si bete.

Crazy about Carla

I don't know about you but I'm crazy about Carla Bruni aka Madame Sarkozy. I mean what's not to like? She's just released a new album, and according to the news it has lived up to her usual audaciousness.

A sampling of the lyrics:

Ma Came

You are my fix,

More deadly than Afghan heroin

More dangerous than Colombian white

Une Enfant

I am a child

Despite my 40 years

Despite My 30 Lovers

A child.

So now Sarko has more on his plate to deal with in addition to his huge diplomatic gaff of inviting Bashir Assad to join him for France's annual Bastille Day parade and festivities.

From the Times Online

In the meantime, Sarko has another little diplomatic flare-up to douse. Colombia has taken offence over Carla Bruni's new song (last post), the one that likens her lover to the best Afghan heroin and Colombian cocaine.
Fernando Araujo, Colombian Foreign Minister, said: "In the mouth of the wife of the President of France, this kind of utterance is very painful for Colombia". His country was trying to eradicate a trade that has caused so much death and violence, he reminded France.

Lady Like and Lovely Like Madame Sarkozy

Even Drudge is reporting on the positive impression Madame Sarkozy is making on her state visit to England. Note the demure flat shoes and proper handbag. No gigantic purse for her. Like the Queen of England she only needs a bag big enough to carry a few sugar cubes to feed the horses.

If by chance you are going to be making a state visit to the British royal family anytime soon I have the perfect shoes and bag for you. A perfect pair of pretty black flats paired from Zappos and a lovely vintage black lizard bag from Vintage Skins, both priced so reasonably that even with the tanking of the dollar, you'll save enough money to be able to afford afternoon tea at Browns Hotel!

And if you can't make it to the UK, stop by and visit the very witty Mrs. Robinson for a little reality check about real life (low and high) in modern London.

Carla Bruni Sarkozy On State Visit To England

President Sarkozy and his rock and roll model wife have taken a state visit to England where they will be guests of the royal family at Windsor Castle. I'm glad to see that Madame Sarkozy has left the casual attire in Paris and opted for a lady like wardrobe befitting the First Lady of France. Next to the eccentric Royals, she looks very chic. And I adore the mini beret. She has even worn the flattest shoes so as not to tower over le petit President Sarko. Props to her.

Meanwhile, Christies is auctioning off a nude photo of her. Thank God they aren't auctioning off a nude photo of Camilla who by the way wears a leopard spotted hat so well.

Congratulations are due to the newlyweds Carla Bruni and Nicolas Sarkozy. After a 3 month whirlwind courtship one the most powerful leaders in Europe has married one of the most beautiful women in the world.

Well done Sarko! But I just need to know how Madame Sarkozy is going to dress for her future interviews?

Thanks to Eursoc for keeping us all abreast of Carla's PR.